But, then, he had always enjoyed seeing me beg, “it added to the fun,” he always said. I knew what was coming, and I pleaded him and begged him to not do this to me. And, one day he said that my “vagina” had gone loose. Some days, he would tie my hands and beat me with a stick like literally beat me till I was all black and blue, other times he would blindfold me and gag me till I vomited my guts out. Every day, he had a new game for me, which meant he had a new way of inflicting pain on me. After dinner, I dreaded to return to my bedroom, my hands would shiver as I finished my work in the kitchen thinking about the torture and pain I would have to go through again. I tried my best to cover up signs of my shattered dreams with makeup. I looked myself in the mirror and noticed blood clots near my eyes, swelled lips, and teeth marks on my neck. I gathered all my strength to get ready, for my new family who was waiting for me, waiting to welcome the new bride. You’ll learn to bear the pain,” he said and kissed me on the forehead and I was shell-shocked because he knew what he was doing and he wants to continue doing it. But, it will get better with time, trust me. He took me in his arms as I shuddered again. I stole a side glance and saw him smiling. “What happened, Aarti, why are you so scared?” He sat on the sofa beside me and tried taking my hand as I resisted. I opened my eyes and curled up my legs and wrapped them around my arms. “Aarti is still sleeping…… No…… will go and….” and then he was near me, shouting, “Good morning Aarti… Get up… See what’s the time baby….” I woke up shuddering as I heard his voice, coming from a distance. I don’t remember how I managed to crawl back to the sofa in the room where I just passed out with dark dreams digging deep into my soul. I sat there like a lifeless pile of shit for I don’t know how long, contemplating the horrors I underwent and what I had done to deserve it. Not only my face but my private parts, too, were smeared in blood. But, it took me half an hour to literally crawl from bed to the washroom. I didn’t see the time when he was done with me (for the night) and had turned over to the other side and slept. I cannot describe in detail what all happened to me that night, but I can just say that it wasn’t normal. I thought it was a part of some role-playing game and I decided to go with it, not knowing, what he had in mind. “Shut up, now speak only when I tell you to,” he said, rather angrily. “Oh stop it! Let me change at least,” I said, giggling. Again, I took it as a playful gesture as I had known his intentions, cruel intentions. He stopped me midway and clenched my wrist tightly and threw me on the bed. I told him that I would go to the washroom to change. He shouted at me, “Can you do it any slower?” I was shocked at his tone, but I thought it was the alcohol talking. I remember how impatient he grew when I was taking out those zillion hair pins and safety pins off my hair and lehenga. I can never forget our first night together as husband and wife because he showed me what monsters are made of. He didn’t show me his true colors before our wedding night, a night that I cannot ever forget and not because it was special in a good way. Wait, till the time you are mine and I’ll show you all of it!” As naïve as I was, I took such lines for romance and naughtiness. He used to playfully tell me, “Oh! There are so many things I wanna do to you. Now, when I look back at my courtship period, I realize that each time that we had made out, he seemed very aggressive. We would go on late-night drives and talked about our dreams, desires, wishes, and life together. Though our courtship lasted only for 4 months, I was the happiest soul at the time and everything felt dreamy. He was working with his father in their family business of Alloy Manufacturing in Kanpur and used to come to Agra every two weeks to spend time with me during our courtship period. We had talked for 5 hours like we were best of friends and knew each other from our childhood. It was an arranged marriage, but, I had fallen in love with Naman (name changed) in our first meeting itself. Read on, and get your dosage of empowerment. Women can open up about their personal issues, reach epiphanies, inspire women all around the world, and seek an expert advice. There is absolutely no room for judgment or condemnation. Stories, which are usually censored by the society are given a platform. IWB’s section, “ Censored,” features real women narrating real stories. Every morning, Aarti covers her swollen lips with a red lipstick, her wrist marks – with colorful bangles, so that her in-laws and other family members don’t get to know about the things that happen to her in bed, every night…
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